My Own Little Horror Story

You would think Google Docs and Blogger would work well together. To my dismay, it doesn't. It's astounding how much your document gets messed up from simply copying and pasting to Blogger from Google Docs. All the margins were gone so words would keep on going completely off the page, all the pictures were broken, and just selecting text would make the whole page shift for some reason. It's just a mess really. Since I typed it out on Docs, I'll just post the link for the page here. 

Halloween Spooktacular

This is no cheaty tactic I assure you.

An Epic: The Divine Comedy

I did not like this book.

Kixbait, as it is called, is something unrelated to the material at hand, but is injected to the forefront of the blog to get views.

Let me think up of a colorful analogy to explain my experience with The Divine Comedy . . . you ever had Kix? It's a cereal with no artificial flavors, no colors, no preservatives, and nothing to celebrate.

The first bite is not bad, it's no Captain Crunch, but it has a certain taste that you appreciate. That was the first book for me, the best known book in The Divine Comedy, The Inferno.  It was entertaining to see what the author of the book, Dante Alighieri, would create as we plunged into the depths of hell. The catch was that every canto (think of it as a chapter) often there would be a lengthy discourse that took away from the engagement the journey brought.

Second Bite: Oh regrets, why did you decide to have Kix, when you could have had Captain Crunch. The second book, The Purgatorio, I still found myself engaged with, but the journey seems to be taking a back seat to discourses and Dante wanting to espouse his personal beliefs more directly instead of through the medium of a story. Again some of the concepts are still entertaining though.

Third bite: It's cardboard, you are eating cardboard, but you have to finish it because your mom won't allow you to throw soggy cereal away. The third book, The Paradisio, was a struggle. The imagery was so much that I just had to read it and give up trying to envision it. For example, what am I supposed to imagine when there are hymns raised in harmonies that are unknown except to heaven itself? There was none of the original fun the last two books had as I could barely imagine what was going on even with a synopsis at the start of each canto. But I was the mom in that scenario and I said to myself I would finish it and write a focused non-review blog post on the book, so, here I am.

Due to my ambivalence on the book, I figured it would be best to relate The Divine Comedy to what we learned of in class as well as walk you through the journey taken in the book, as the book is widely referenced in culture and it'll probably serve as good background knowledge if any of you haven't read it. As a note, I will be primarily focused on the Inferno because it works better in terms of an epic and you probably don't want to read a blog post that will take you twenty minutes to finish.

Dante led by Charon crossing the river Styx with Virgil (an ancient Roman poet who Dante likes), his guide, by his side. Get used to the elaborate allusions that will be impossible to recognize without notes when reading the Divine Comedy.

Inferno begins with Dante (the author portrays himself as the protagonist) finding himself in a dark wood of error. It is the Easter season, a season of rebirth and Dante encounters Virgil, who explains that he is to lead Dante away from his errors. Dante will begin his descent through hell, then trek up Mount Purgatory,leave Virgil , and then ascend through the heavens. (The book does seem pretty cool at first glance.)

Unlike most epics, the hero is not an outstanding or legendary individual, there is nothing special about Dante at the time he was just a 35-year-old man who wrote a couple books prior. Nothing too remarkable except that he wrote in the Italian vernacular, which as we've learned in class was unconventional in the middle ages where people typically wrote in Latin, by no means does that make him a distinguished character however. 

The book does follow the wide expanse that epics are typified by though, the setting is of monumental proportions. Dante's depiction of hell is much more grander than it had to be. His depiction of hell is separated into nine circles with each circle progressing into more and more egregious acts. This is where you might have some experience with The Divine Comedy. Dante's portrayal of what hell has influenced how it is

typically depicted in culture and religion, and begins with something that is easy to understand for readers like me.

So Dante, the character, begins his journey through the gates of hell and in that vestibule he meets the first class of people: the opportunists. It's here where the book displays why it is recognized as one of the greatest books of the Middle Ages: the punishments. Woo, are they  fun and well done, it's a shame that there was really no such thing as that in The Paradisio because then there would have been something redeemable with that bowl of metaphorical Kix. With this in mind, let's look at who the opportunists are. They are the souls in life who never pursued evil, but also never pursued good, instead they only lived for themselves. Because of this, they are essentially in the foyer to hell. There the opportunists' punishment is, quoting Canto III's synopsis here because it does a much better job than I can describe it, "They race round and round, pursuing a wavering banner that runs forever before them through the through the dirty air; and as they run they are pursued by swarm of wasp and hornets who sting them and produce a constant flow of blood and putrid matter which trickles down the bodies of the sinners and is feasted upon by loathsome worms and maggots who coat the ground."  Isn't it gruesome!

Each punishment is a symbolic retribution for the past sinner's actions, eye-for-an-eye style. Following typical traits of an epic, it starts with themes that will stay prominent throughout the work. Here we see Dante's theme displaying God's perfect justice. As the opportunists took no sides, they are given no place in hell or heaven. As they constantly pursued whatever proved to be to their advantage for the current time, they are now pursuing an ever-shifting banner in the afterlife. As their own guilty conscience pursued them, they are pursued by pestilent swarms of wasps and hornets. According to a sign in this canto, hell exists to punish sin, and the punishments testify to the perfect justice that is given.

Just a cool illustration, not much relevance

While this made my experience with the epic better, another trait characteristic of epics made it worse. Long formal discourses, speeches, and diatribes are given almost every single canto. It can be done by Dante's guide, a guardian of a circle of hell, or one of the participants of hell. Let me take you to the third round of the seventh circle. It's at a "great plain of burning sand" where there are "flames raining from the sky to fall still unextinguished." Enough said there, that's awesome. But then Dante visits the inhabitants and they explain their lineage to Dante. Begging him to keep themselves in his memory, distracting from the amazing environment. It adds to the themes in most cases, but, as originally mentioned, it is done ad nauseam where it quickly becomes an annoyance even in the middle of the first book.   

Lastly, one of the most prominent traits is an epic elucidating the social and cultural conventions. In Beowulf, it was, uh, well people's love of wine and glory, and passion. In The Inferno especially, you can see the morals and the ethics of the time reflected through how it is organized. For example, why is murder viewed as belonging in the seventh circle, while accepting a bribe belongs to the more abhorrent eight circle. Well in the middle ages, people's ethics were based on strict church doctrine. Dante views harmony here on Earth as less important than God's will in heaven. Fraud therefore is viewed as the greater evil.

Given these points, I hope I did what I kind of originally intended to do reinforce what we learned in the class as well as maybe let you learn of The Divine Comedy so that way you will never have to slog through it. Or maybe this will encourage you to make the attempt as if you are prospectively looking at anything related to middle ages literature you will probably read this.

*NEW* Meta-Blog™: I worked myself in a hole with this blog. My angle restricted me to a point where I began writing it like an essay, unfortunate tidings for me, I may come back to rework this because I am left unsatisfied with how I wrote it. (Although right now it's pretty late . . . fun tip, you can modify the time to make it look better for when you published your blog, I'm setting this to 4:40 p.m) There was so much to cover that I didn't know how to surmount it all. Learning experience, I guess. It's decent, full of content, but it doesn't satiate that blog criteria with how I want to write it. It was fun, sure, but I just wanted to vent my grievances and struggles with this book so much.  While at the same time, I had to attempt to at least keep my blog concise. I'll welcome your comments and criticisms although what's left unsaid is often more powerful than the latter . . . .

Pride and Prejudice VS. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

 vs.

Pride and Prejudice is an engaging read that has left an indelible mark in the heart of millions by its satire, characters, prose, and flow. It follows the young Bennet sisters in early eighteenth-century England challenging social class, rejecting proposals from insensible men, and learning of their prejudices that they each hold. Ok, I admit it may not sound that entertaining to some, but how about this? THE SAME PLOT but with ZOMBIES IN IT. Yeah, as you already learned from my title and my past mentions, "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies" is a thing.

Now the Bennet sisters are zombie killers, trained in China (kind of a ninja thing that goes on), and instead of lame sowing while having conversation, they are now polishing guns. My question is: who is this supposed to appeal to? Will readers of Pride and Prejudice like their Pride and Prejudice with all that zombies can bring? Will fans of the zombie genre take solace that this is the change the genre needed? In short, no. It had a budget of 25 million and proceeded to have a revenue of 16 million in the box office -- not the best for the movie that was already downtrodden with unanimously negative critic reviews. But perhaps the world was mistaken, and perhaps I, a recent reader and admirer of the book and not much else, can see if it deserved the reaction it underwent.

Let's examine plot first. In the book, its first line lets you know what you're getting into, a satire on upper class culture. "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of good fortune must be in want of a wife." The same goes with the movie, it's the style of Pride and Prejudice with zombies arbitrarily in it. "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains."  The similarities don't end there however, the movie follows every plot point of the book, every major point. Maybe I should hold off on disclosing my opinion until the end, but I must admit, that's kind of hilarious. There's a scene in in the book where Darcy proposes to the protagonist,  Elizabeth, and she can't believe it and denies him with little civility because he is viewed as a pride and ungenerous man by her. Darcy can't accept what he hears from her and walks out of the room downcast. The exact same scene exists in the book, but before Darcy exits you know what happens? Elizabeth kicks Darcy (trained zombie killer, remember) in a fit of rage right in the gut and sends him flying back to the other side of the room and then proceeds to throw books at him. The regular conversation doesn't stop there though, it's just that now Elizabeth is flailing a fire poker while Darcy can only dodge. It doesn't stop there though, Darcy retaliates and its a fire poker versus a mail opener. Scenes like that are hilarious in the absurdity of it all.

The addition of zombies surprisingly did not reduce any of the original book's plot, they just reworked the original book's plot to fit with their zombies.  Wickham, a character who was prominent in the third act of the book, still plays his part, stealing one of the Bennet sisters for personal gain. Originally it was to pay off outstanding debt by getting married, now it's to have a human to join in on the zombie aristocrats at the Church of St. Lazarus. I'll get to the zombie aristocrats later. So overall, I felt that the plot was just as its own as the book, each addition of zombies actually worked in the Pride and Prejudice context.

You would think the tone would be totally incongruous when jumping to a run-of-the-mill ball to a zombie attack. But it works! The tone in the book was never that cheery and the movie knows that and uses every moment in how it is organized to have the satirical and ironic tone of the original. It feels like the movie even adds to the commentary of the book in some areas. They have to have this one ball in the book. And in the movie the upper class has to have the ball, while the world dies around them. But the catch is, while the world of Pride and Prejudice feels realistic, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies doesn't. I know it may seem obvious, but I'm referring to the "zombies" themselves. They're not zombies. Let's pull out a zombie checklist to illustrate this.

• Non-communicative growling or howling -- no, zombie aristocrats can talk just as well as any human
• Semi-catatonic state -- no, zombie aristocrats are not mindless
• Unemotional -- no, zombie aristocrats clearly show cunning and joy
• They crave brains -- yes, it's they're only zombie characteristic

Zombie mom with zombie baby played a clever trick on the Bennets posing as a wrecked traveler at first to get their guard down. She then attacked. Her head got blown off by Elizabeth.

Listen: whoever made this, when you say zombies have zombies. Don't create cannibals. In the movie, being a zombie is more like you are a harbinger of Mono, than a decaying undead zombie. One of the plot twists injected right at the tip of the climax is that Wickham, the person who stole one of the Bennet sisters, was a zombie all along! How do we know this? There are patches of red skin on his stomach *gasp*, of course, a zombie! Although the zombie-slaying moments are awesomely choreographed and make you feel cool just watching them, a fan of the zombies genre would surely be disappointed by the inconsistency in what a zombie actually is.

"Sharknado"

Going into the book, my expectations were that I would enjoy it. My thoughts were that it is still popular 200 years later for a reason. It met my expectations, but didn't exceed because of a slow start and I never find a theme like love can surpass all bounds that poignant which was its ending theme. Going into the movie, I was expecting Syfy movie quality and all that comes with it, hence the shark.
What I ended up with movie that I found enjoyable, that did not destroy the original source material, and instead added on to it with out producing a jarring effect in tone. Did I enjoy it as much as the book, no way, but it was way better than it had to be and that's impressive on its own. I would recommend "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies" to anyone who liked the book and is looking for some entertainment. Anybody else, however, it's not really worth your time unless you just want to be mindlessly entertained.

My First and Last Ramble

As a reminder: I'm reading books. I leave it vague but, in general, the classics. Maybe not the most entertaining classics, but the types that you will hear mentioned over and over again in How to Read Literature Like a Professor. Accompanying each book I read will be a blog focusing on a certain aspect of the book, it will not be just it reviewing the difficulty of the read or reviewing it, that will be eventually tired out and even I wouldn't want to read it. Instead, this will keep it fresh and focused.

For example, I'm opening with Pride and Prejudice as my first book and instead of reviewing it I'm comparing it to the movie based on the book Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. I'm a little bit out of my zone with my movie part, but I hope I can bring some interesting commentary between the two. One thing left unplanned for my project is how to attain that movie. I was planning on getting it from the library, and although there are five copies in Kalispell, the movie's not in the Miles City Library. I could probably get it from the $3 bargain bin at Walmart, but more than likely I'll just pirate it from online. Update: Yep, found it on this site so you can watch along with me, just watch out for viruses. https://www3.fmovies.to/film/pride-and-prejudice-and-zombies.x0z8/88lrpy

The only other thing I am left uncertain on is my reading choice is for my designated Modern Lit Week where I read a popular modern book that isn't part of any literary canon. I was planning on reading Dan Brown's Lost Symbol but that's only because we have the book and this amusing satire: \https://www.datalounge.com/thread/12773016-hilarious-parody-of-renowned-author-dan-brown-in-the-telegraph. So, if you have any suggestions comment them. I'm up for anything that week; sports, adventure, sci-fi, fantasy, whatever genre John Green is, and romance, as long as it's not on the erotic. For that week it will just be a basic review of the book with no attention given to any aspect of it or the blogging prose.
 
I suppose I have a little experience in the blog style in the past a way back. I used to play this pay-to-win game The Simpsons Tapped Out and I was addicted to it. Hence I partook in a blog with likewise addicts mainly for the discussions, reviews of certain purchases, and individual showcases.

It was an enjoyable time, but like all mobile games I got tired of it and deemed it a waste of my time. The blog's still going strong with daily posts on the six-and-a-half-year-old mobile game somehow. It was written basic enough with nothing too remarkable, however, it always had a  cheerfulness and passion in how it was written that made me read nearly every post. Plans are for my project to put as much emphasis on the writing aspect of it -- the blogging aspect of it -- as the reading aspect of my project. So I hope can create an entertaining, impassioned, blog posts that aren't too dry and are focused.